Wandering

One of the death cafe participants this week referenced the idea of “all those who wander are not lost” and its companion thought, “if you are lost why not wander?” It was a new saying to me, and a new concept to think about. Are we ever really lost or are we simply wandering - seeing what there is to see, doing what there is to do. I suppose there are people who do sit still and wait to be found. But I suspect most of us likely wander, until we find our way to a path in some direction. Pointed in that direction, we may feel as though we have stopped wandering. But have we?

I’m in a life space where I don’t have a lot of desire to wander. Raising a pre-teen feels like an enough of an emotional wander, looking for signs leading in a direction. Keeping my senses alert for indications of the right path to follow, the wrong one to point out. I’d like to be very intentional. I’d like to be seeing indications of my impact.

Despite that desire, days lately are passing me by. They aren’t effectively utilized in ways for which I can account. I can’t seem to put my finger on what I accomplished during the day, or what mattered specifically about that day. It’s concerning. Time is going by. My kid is growing up, age is coming for me, and I’m unsure what I’m contributing with my time here. As a parent, am I pinning all my hopes of contribution to my kid? If so, what kind of pressure am I subconsciously adding to their life? How is it showing up for them?

What is important for me to leave behind other than things? Things are things, and yes, they might hold our energy, or trigger memories, but what’s the source of the energy in them, and what are the memories they trigger. How do we ensure we matter? How can we not wander like zombies through life, even when we are wandering.

It comes through the practice of noticing. Noticing all the things around us. Being aware of our space, our bodies, our energy output. Our impact. To create an impact, energy, memories, change for the better.

So, I can wander freely, noticing, using my sense and my energy, and never be lost, as I will always know exactly where I am.