The obituary
I have a friend, much younger than me, who loves to read the obituaries. She loves to read about the remarkable lives that people have led, and the interesting things they have done. I wish I felt the same. I wish I could say I enjoy a good obituary. I do like the one at the end of some rom-com where the writer writes his own and sends it to the girl.
I am curious about why this is. Do I worry about what others might say in my obituary or about my life? Am I nervious that there won’t be enough, or the impact of my life won’t be significant to anyone but me. Or that it won’t capture the life I wanted or tried to live? Probably.
We talked about this at the Death Cafe. One of the women got right to the task of writing her own. She wants her obituary to be filled with thanks for the remarkable women who left a mark on her life, helped carve her into who she has become. As she was writing, she also went to talk to one of the women, to convey her gratitude in person. It was a meaningful moment for both women.
To share what people mean to us, and the impact they have had on us could be the mission. It would help people know their worth in this world. It would help people understand how they show up for others, and what impacts those around them in the best ways. I was grateful she shared her story. I wondered who I would thank, what I would say.
I’m not sure what I will write. It’s a task I will undertake, to review my life, to figure out my turning moments, people who helped me course correct, people who mattered to me. I’ll start it now, hopefully decades before it will be published. Will we still publish obituaries? Will I list accomplishments? Will I list what I loved, and how I showed up in the world for others? Will I list unspoken regrets or apologies?
Maybe there will be nothing to say because I will have made all my amends, said all my goodbyes, thanked all my mentors and loved ones for their offerings to my life.
Writing my obituary might motivate me to show up better, more often, more consistent, with more love in my heart. With intention, I’ll thank everyone along the way, show gratitude in the moments when it’s present, whenever and where ever those moments appear. I’ll call people out of the blue to check on them and let them know they mattered to me in my life. I’ll show up with support when needed. I’ll be so present and intentional that my obituary can simply read, “Ana died. Her final words were, “Thanks everyone. This was fun”.”
What might you write in your own obituary? What would be important for you to say?
What value to do you have in obituaries?
How can the concept of your obituary change the course of your life?
What do you want to be more intentional about?
